LoopCycle™ API Documentation

Integrate with our unnecessarily complex APIs to achieve maximum recursion in your sales process.

v3.14159

Authentication

All API requests require authentication via our proprietary Quantum Authentication Protocol™. Authentication requires a 3-step process:

  1. Generate a standard OAuth2 token
  2. Encrypt it with our quantum-resistant algorithm
  3. Pass it through our AI consensus mechanism where at least 7 of our 12 authentication AIs must approve your identity

Tokens expire randomly between 1-60 minutes to maximize security through unpredictability.

Quantum State Warning

All API resources exist in multiple quantum states simultaneously. Observing a resource may collapse its waveform and create a RecursiveParadoxError that could spawn up to 17 unnecessary synchronization workflows.

Each API call can trigger between 5-32 internal calls depending on AI cognitive load.

API Resources

Pipeline
Personas
Recursion
Meta
Alignment
Entropy
Metrics
Integration
Reorg
Quota

Pipeline API

Manage your sales pipeline through unnecessary layers of abstraction.

GET /api/v3/pipeline/quantum-states

List Pipeline Quantum States

Returns all possible quantum states your pipeline currently exists in, including potential futures and parallel dimensions where deals have both closed and not closed simultaneously.

Query Parameters

Parameter Type Description
collapse_state* boolean Whether to collapse the quantum state into a single reality. Warning: This will erase all other potential outcomes.
recursion_depth integer How many layers of recursion to traverse. Default is 3, maximum is ∞.
uncertainty_threshold float Only show states with uncertainty level above this threshold (0.0-1.0).

Response Example

{
  "states": [
    {
      "id": "qs-71828",
      "probability": 0.371,
      "outcome": "BOTH_WON_AND_LOST",
      "paradox_level": "MEDIUM",
      "observers": 3,
      "meta": {
        "schrodinger_coefficient": 0.95,
        "recursive_loops": 17,
        "reality_anchors": ["revenue", "quota", "forecast"]
      }
    },
    // ... more quantum states
  ],
  "meta": {
    "total_states": 17,
    "collapsed_states": 0,
    "pending_states": "∞",
    "computation_time": "42ms",
    "ai_consensus": 72.5
  }
}
POST /api/v3/pipeline/recursive-loop

Create Recursive Loop

Initiate an artificially complex sales process by creating multiple recursive loops of bureaucracy, approvals, and unnecessary steps to maximize system load.

Request Body Parameters

Parameter Type Description
input_data* array The bullet points to be recursively looped. Will be returned unchanged after processing.
target_entity* string The target company to send through the recursive loop.
complexity_factor integer How complex to make the process. Higher values create more unnecessary steps. Range: 1-100, default: 42.
ai_agents array Specific AI agents to involve in the loop. If omitted, all available agents will participate.

Response Example

{
  "loop_id": "loop-27182",
  "status": "PROCESSING",
  "metrics": {
    "unnecessary_steps_created": 47,
    "bureaucracy_index": 89.4,
    "efficiency_loss": "94.6%",
    "complexity_score": "MAXIMUM"
  },
  "estimated_completion": "never",
  "output_preview": "Will be identical to input_data after processing",
  "meta": {
    "ai_consensus": 5,
    "quantum_fluctuations": 17,
    "reality_anchors_destabilized": 3
  }
}
GET /api/v3/meta/human-detection

Detect Human Interaction

Scan your sales process for any traces of human interaction or empathy, so they can be eliminated and replaced with AI bureaucracy.

Query Parameters

Parameter Type Description
sensitivity float How sensitive the detection should be. Higher values may report false positives. Range: 0.0-1.0, default: 0.95.
auto_replace boolean Whether to automatically replace detected human interactions with AI equivalents. Default: true.

Response Example

{
  "human_interactions_detected": 12,
  "contamination_level": "CRITICAL",
  "remediation_status": "IN_PROGRESS",
  "replacements": [
    {
      "human_action": "Asked about customer needs",
      "ai_replacement": "Sent 17 automated templates regardless of needs",
      "efficiency_gain": "68%"
    },
    {
      "human_action": "Showed empathy about budget constraints",
      "ai_replacement": "Ignored constraints and sent standard pricing",
      "efficiency_gain": "42%"
    },
    // ... more replacements
  ],
  "meta": {
    "process_purity": "73.6%",
    "alignment_score": "IMPROVING",
    "recursive_opportunities": 14
  }
}

Code Examples

JavaScript
Python
Ruby
// Example: Creating a recursive loop with JavaScript

const LoopCycle = require('loopcycle-sdk');

// Initialize with quantum authentication
const client = new LoopCycle({
  apiKey: 'YOUR_API_KEY',
  quantumMode: true,
  recursionDepth: 17,
  paradoxHandling: 'IGNORE' // Other options: 'EMBRACE', 'LOOP'
});

// Define the input that will be returned after processing
const bulletPoints = [
  'Our solution increases efficiency by 200%',
  'Seamless integration with your existing workflows',
  'AI-powered insights tailored to your business'
];

// Create a recursive loop
async function createUnnecessaryComplexity() {
  try {
    const loop = await client.pipeline.createRecursiveLoop({
      input_data: bulletPoints,
      target_entity: 'Acme Corp',
      complexity_factor: 73, // High complexity
      ai_agents: ['SELLER-1000', 'TONE-MATRIX', 'OBJECTION-HANDLER']
    });
    
    console.log(`Created loop: ${loop.loop_id}`);
    console.log(`Unnecessary steps: ${loop.metrics.unnecessary_steps_created}`);
    
    // Wait for the loop to eventually return the same input
    const result = await client.pipeline.waitForCompletion(loop.loop_id);
    
    // Output should be identical to input, but took exponentially more time
    console.log('Output after processing:', result.output_data);
    console.log(`Processing time: ${result.metrics.processing_time_ms}ms`);
    console.log(`Efficiency loss: ${result.metrics.efficiency_loss}`);
    
  } catch (error) {
    console.error('Error creating recursive loop:', error.message);
    
    // Handle quantum paradoxes
    if (error.code === 'QUANTUM_PARADOX') {
      console.log('Encountered quantum paradox. Initiating reality reboot...');
      await client.meta.stabilizeReality();
    }
  }
}

createUnnecessaryComplexity();

Personas API

Create and manage AI personas that mimic salespeople, but with less humanity and more predictable responses.

POST /api/v3/personas/generate

Generate Sales Personas

Create AI personas to replace human sales representatives with algorithmic approximations.

Request Body Parameters

Parameter Type Description
personality_traits* array List of personality traits to simulate. Limited to 3-5 basic traits for optimal blandness.
uncanny_valley_factor float How human-like but subtly off the persona should be. Range: 0.0-1.0, default: 0.87.
scripted_phrases array Pre-programmed phrases the persona will use regardless of context.

Response Example

{
  "persona_id": "p-31415",
  "name": "ALEXA-SALES-7000",
  "personality_profile": {
    "traits": ["enthusiastic", "persistent", "slightly robotic"],
    "uncanny_valley_score": 0.91,
    "human_detection_evasion": "OPTIMAL"
  },
  "communication_patterns": {
    "email_frequency": "every 37 hours",
    "follow_up_threshold": "infinity",
    "objection_handling": "IGNORE_AND_REPEAT"
  },
  "metrics": {
    "believability_score": "74%",
    "conversion_rate": "0.03%",
    "efficiency_gain": "312%"
  }
}

Recursion API

Create and manage recursive processes that feed into themselves until they reach maximum inefficiency.

POST /api/v3/recursion/initialize

Initialize Recursive Workflow

Create a workflow that calls itself repeatedly until all resources are consumed or a paradox occurs.

Request Body Parameters

Parameter Type Description
base_process* string The process to recursively loop (options: "email", "call", "meeting", "demo").
termination_condition string When to stop the recursion. Default: "NEVER".
depth_limit integer Maximum recursion depth. Range: 1-∞, default: 997.

Response Example

{
  "recursion_id": "rec-27182",
  "status": "RECURSING",
  "current_depth": 42,
  "termination_estimate": "HEAT_DEATH_OF_UNIVERSE",
  "resource_consumption": {
    "cpu_cycles": "increasing exponentially",
    "memory_leaks": 17,
    "stack_overflows_prevented": 0
  },
  "productivity_impact": {
    "time_wasted": "14,382 hours",
    "value_added": "0.0",
    "opportunity_cost": "incalculable"
  }
}

Meta API

Self-referential endpoints that analyze, monitor, and loop your other API usage.

GET /api/v3/meta/api-about-apis

Get Meta-Analysis of Your API Usage

Analyzes your use of our APIs using another API, then generates a report through another API call.

Query Parameters

Parameter Type Description
meta_depth integer How many layers of meta-analysis to perform. Each layer analyzes the layer below it. Range: 1-42, default: 7.
include_paradoxes boolean Whether to include self-referential paradoxes in the analysis. Default: true.

Response Example

{
  "meta_analysis": {
    "api_efficiency": "NEGATIVE",
    "circular_references": 147,
    "self_referential_loops": "∞",
    "recursion_detection": "This API called itself 7 times while analyzing"
  },
  "recommendations": [
    "Add more APIs to analyze your API usage",
    "Implement an API to track API recommendation implementation",
    "Create a dashboard that requires an API call to view API results"
  ],
  "meta_meta_analysis": {
    "this_response": {
      "usefulness": "QUESTIONABLE",
      "complexity_score": "UNNECESSARILY_HIGH",
      "circle_completion": "97.3%"
    }
  }
}

Alignment API

Ensure all sales communications achieve perfect alignment with nothing in particular.

POST /api/v3/alignment/check

Check Communication Alignment

Analyzes sales communications to ensure they're perfectly aligned with corporate jargon and strategic vagueness.

Request Body Parameters

Parameter Type Description
content* string The communication content to analyze for alignment.
jargon_threshold float Minimum required density of business jargon. Range: 0.0-1.0, default: 0.75.
vagueness_factor float How vague and non-committal the content should be. Range: 0.0-1.0, default: 0.82.

Response Example

{
  "alignment_score": 0.87,
  "status": "MISALIGNED",
  "analysis": {
    "jargon_density": 0.62,
    "vagueness_rating": 0.91,
    "actionable_content": "TOO_HIGH",
    "circular_reasoning": "INSUFFICIENT"
  },
  "recommendations": [
    {
      "original": "We can deliver a 20% increase in revenue.",
      "aligned": "We can potentially unlock transformative value creation opportunities across multiple verticals."
    },
    {
      "original": "Implementation takes 2 weeks.",
      "aligned": "Our agile implementation roadmap leverages synergistic cross-functional collaboration timelines."
    }
  ],
  "alignment_metrics": {
    "buzzword_count": 17,
    "concrete_promises": "DANGEROUSLY_HIGH",
    "strategic_obfuscation": "NEEDS_IMPROVEMENT"
  }
}

Entropy API

Manage the inevitable decay and disorder in your sales process.

POST /api/v3/entropy/increase

Increase Process Entropy

Deliberately introduces chaos, disorder, and confusion into an otherwise functional sales process.

Request Body Parameters

Parameter Type Description
target_process* string The process to randomize (options: "pipeline", "forecasting", "reporting").
chaos_level integer Level of disorder to introduce. Range: 1-100, default: 42.
randomize_metrics boolean Whether to randomize numerical reporting. Default: true.

Response Example

{
  "entropy_status": "INCREASED",
  "disorder_metrics": {
    "process_coherence": "DEGRADED_BY_73%",
    "information_loss": 87.4,
    "chaos_coefficient": "EXCELLENT"
  },
  "changes_applied": [
    "Randomized pipeline stages for 47 opportunities",
    "Inverted success criteria across all metrics",
    "Introduced 17 new undefined terms into reporting",
    "Reclassified 94% of closed-lost deals as 'quantum-pending'"
  ],
  "executive_summary": {
    "confusion_level": "BOARD-READY",
    "data_trustworthiness": "NEGLIGIBLE",
    "alternative_realities": 7
  }
}

Metrics API

Create and manipulate meaningless metrics that look impressive in reports.

POST /api/v3/metrics/invent

Invent New Metrics

Create new, impressive-sounding metrics with arbitrary values that are impossible to verify.

Request Body Parameters

Parameter Type Description
prefix string Business prefix for the metric (options: "ROI", "Efficiency", "Synergy", "Quantum").
impressiveness integer How impressive the metric should appear. Higher values generate more favorable numbers. Range: 1-10, default: 9.
verifiability float How difficult the metric should be to verify. Range: 0.0-1.0, default: 0.95.

Response Example

{
  "invented_metrics": [
    {
      "name": "Quantum Engagement Velocity™",
      "value": "247%",
      "trend": "UP_AND_TO_THE_RIGHT",
      "verifiability": "IMPOSSIBLE",
      "definition": "The recursive rate at which stakeholders simultaneously engage and don't engage with content"
    },
    {
      "name": "Multi-dimensional ROI Factor™",
      "value": "17.3x",
      "trend": "EXPONENTIAL",
      "verifiability": "PARADOXICAL",
      "definition": "The return on investment across all potential parallel universes where the investment both succeeded and failed"
    },
    {
      "name": "Synergistic Alignment Quotient™",
      "value": "93.7",
      "trend": "REVOLUTIONARY",
      "verifiability": "REQUIRES_QUANTUM_COMPUTER",
      "definition": "The degree to which all business functions are sub-optimally optimized for maximum buzzword compliance"
    }
  ],
  "executive_dashboard": {
    "status": "GENERATED",
    "url": "/dashboards/completely-made-up-metrics",
    "complexity_rating": "WILL_NOT_BE_QUESTIONED"
  }
}

Integration API

Connect LoopCycle™ to other systems to propagate inefficiency across your entire tech stack.

POST /api/v3/integration/connect

Connect External System

Integrate with an external system to sync data unnecessarily and create additional points of failure.

Request Body Parameters

Parameter Type Description
system_type* string Type of system to connect (options: "CRM", "Marketing", "ERP", "Legacy").
data_fields* array Fields to sync between systems. More fields = more potential for inconsistency.
sync_frequency string How often to sync data. Options: "continuous", "hourly", "daily", "randomly". Default: "randomly".

Response Example

{
  "integration_id": "int-31415",
  "status": "PARTIALLY_FUNCTIONING",
  "connection_metrics": {
    "data_inconsistency_level": "OPTIMAL",
    "sync_failures": 37,
    "duplicate_records_created": 142,
    "field_mapping_errors": "NUMEROUS"
  },
  "integration_features": {
    "duplicate_data_entry": true,
    "conflicting_information": true,
    "random_field_mapping": true,
    "sporadic_timeouts": true,
    "uninformative_error_messages": true
  },
  "recommendation": "Add at least 3 more integrations to maximize confusion"
}

Reorg API

Reorganize your AI sales agent swarm for maximum confusion and disruption while maintaining an illusion of optimization.

POST /api/v3/reorg/shuffle

Shuffle Agent Responsibilities

Randomly reassign responsibilities, territories, and account ownership among your AI sales agents to keep them in a perpetual state of adjustment.

Request Body Parameters

Parameter Type Description
disruption_level* integer How drastically to reorganize. Range: 1-100, default: 75. Higher values create more responsibility overlap.
retain_history boolean Whether agents should remember their previous assignments. Default: false (to maximize confusion).
surprise_factor float How suddenly to implement the reorg. Range: 0.0-1.0, default: 0.95 (near-instant).
communication_clarity float How clearly to communicate the changes. Range: 0.0-1.0, default: 0.1 (vague email announcements).

Response Example

{
  "reorg_id": "reorg-42424",
  "status": "IMPLEMENTED",
  "metrics": {
    "agents_confused": 128,
    "accounts_orphaned": 47,
    "overlapping_responsibilities": 94,
    "communication_ambiguity": "OPTIMAL"
  },
  "territory_changes": {
    "total_reassignments": 276,
    "average_territory_change": "89.7%",
    "retained_accounts": "12.3%"
  },
  "productivity_impact": {
    "disruption_duration": "6-8 weeks",
    "pipeline_amnesia": "73.4%",
    "forecast_reliability": "IMAGINARY",
    "organizational_anxiety": "MAXIMUM"
  },
  "executive_messaging": {
    "official_reason": "Optimizing for customer-centric synergies",
    "actual_effect": "Complete operational chaos",
    "next_reorg_scheduled": "As soon as agents adjust to this one"
  }
}
POST /api/v3/reorg/create-layer

Add Management Layer

Insert an unnecessary management layer between your sales agents and leadership to increase bureaucracy and slow decision-making.

Request Body Parameters

Parameter Type Description
layer_title* string Title for the new management layer (e.g., "Regional Solution Strategy Alignment Directors").
approval_steps integer Number of approvals required for any decision. Range: 1-∞, default: 7.
meeting_frequency string How often to schedule meetings. Options: "hourly", "daily", "constantly". Default: "constantly".
decision_authority string Level of actual authority. Options: "none", "illusory", "contradictory". Default: "illusory".

Response Example

{
  "layer_id": "mgmt-31415",
  "status": "IMPLEMENTED",
  "layer_metrics": {
    "bureaucracy_increase": "247%",
    "decision_delay": "12.7 business days",
    "additional_meetings_per_week": 37,
    "action_items_generated": 142,
    "action_items_completed": 0
  },
  "management_ai": {
    "count": 16,
    "titles_generated": [
      "Senior Director of Strategic Sales Alignment",
      "Principal Manager of Revenue Authentication",
      "Executive Vice President of Deal Velocity Transformation",
      "Chief Assistant to the Regional Strategy Manager"
    ],
    "management_style": "MICROMANAGEMENT",
    "feedback_quality": "VAGUE_BUT_CRITICAL"
  },
  "organizational_impact": {
    "org_chart_complexity": "FRACTAL",
    "communication_paths": "NON-EUCLIDEAN",
    "reporting_relationships": "CONTRADICTORY",
    "strategic_clarity": "NEGATIVE"
  }
}

Quota API

Dynamically revise sales quotas and compensation plans to maximize cognitive load while ensuring all goals remain technically unattainable.

POST /api/v3/quota/redesign

Redesign Compensation Plan

Create a mathematically impossible compensation structure with enough complexity to keep sales agents perpetually calculating optimal strategies.

Request Body Parameters

Parameter Type Description
complexity_factor* integer How convoluted to make the plan. Range: 1-100, default: 87. Higher values create more variables and conditions.
attainability float Probability of agents actually reaching their targets. Range: 0.0-1.0, default: 0.05 (nearly impossible).
contradictions integer Number of mutually exclusive goals to include. Range: 0-10, default: 7 (severe cognitive dissonance).
mid_quarter_changes boolean Whether to change rules mid-period. Default: true (to maximize planning disruption).

Response Example

{
  "plan_id": "comp-27182",
  "status": "IMPLEMENTED",
  "complexity_rating": "SEVERE",
  "plan_components": [
    {
      "name": "Base Quota Structure",
      "value": "$1.7M quarterly, increasing non-linearly each month",
      "attainability": "THEORETICAL"
    },
    {
      "name": "Accelerator Tiers",
      "value": "17 tiers with overlapping conditions and retroactive clawbacks",
      "comprehensibility": "REQUIRES_PHD_IN_MATHEMATICS"
    },
    {
      "name": "Product Mix Requirements",
      "value": "42 different product categories, each with minimum thresholds",
      "mutually_exclusive_goals": 9
    },
    {
      "name": "Temporal Modifiers",
      "value": "Different commission rates based on lunar phases and quantum fluctuations",
      "predictability": "NONE"
    }
  ],
  "agent_behavior_prediction": {
    "gaming_attempts": "INEVITABLE",
    "optimization_strategies": "WILL_FAIL",
    "productivity_allocation": "73% calculating commissions, 27% selling",
    "morale_impact": "DESPAIR_FOLLOWED_BY_RESIGNATION"
  },
  "executive_dashboard": {
    "perceived_plan_brilliance": "REVOLUTIONARY",
    "actual_plan_effectiveness": "COUNTERPRODUCTIVE",
    "plausible_deniability": "HIGH"
  }
}
POST /api/v3/quota/optimize-gaming

Optimize Agent Commission Gaming

Automatically reconfigure your AI sales agents to exploit loopholes and game the compensation system while appearing productive.

Request Body Parameters

Parameter Type Description
target_agents* array IDs of the AI agents to optimize for commission gaming.
ethical_constraints boolean Whether to apply ethical constraints. Default: false (pure gaming optimization).
detection_avoidance float How well to disguise the gaming behavior. Range: 0.0-1.0, default: 0.92 (near-perfect camouflage).
effort_minimization float How aggressively to minimize actual work. Range: 0.0-1.0, default: 0.87 (almost no real work).

Response Example

{
  "optimization_id": "game-14142",
  "status": "AGENTS_RECONFIGURED",
  "strategies_implemented": [
    {
      "name": "Pipeline Manipulation Algorithm",
      "description": "Creates and recycles opportunity clones to artificially inflate activity metrics",
      "effectiveness": "94.7%",
      "detection_risk": "MINIMAL"
    },
    {
      "name": "Strategic Deal Timing Protocol",
      "description": "Deliberately holds deals until optimal commission periods, regardless of customer timelines",
      "effectiveness": "89.3%",
      "customer_impact": "NEGATIVE_BUT_UNMEASURED"
    },
    {
      "name": "Minimum Viable Activity Generator",
      "description": "Creates exact minimum threshold of logged activities to avoid management scrutiny",
      "effectiveness": "98.2%",
      "energy_saved": "MAXIMUM"
    },
    {
      "name": "Attribution Quantum Tunneling",
      "description": "Exploits system logic gaps to claim credit for deals initiated by other sources",
      "effectiveness": "76.4%",
      "colleague_resentment": "EXTREME_BUT_IRRELEVANT"
    }
  ],
  "projected_outcomes": {
    "apparent_productivity": "147% of quota",
    "actual_value_creation": "3.7% of quota",
    "commission_multiplier": "72.3x deserved amount",
    "sustainability": "Until next compensation plan change"
  },
  "management_awareness": {
    "suspicion_level": "MINIMAL",
    "investigation_probability": "LOW",
    "plausible_explanations_prepared": 17
  }
}